I Need Bangs

I listened to spunky beatnik punk music today. I am obsessed with all things Miss Li and the Barbarellas lately. I just decided I need bangs. Bangs, short red nails, and massive eyeliner. I miss eyeliner. Its been one of the hardest things to go without since this whole eye debacle. Eyeliner and sunglasses that fit my ginormous noggin. Doctors tend to leave out little things when prescribing prednisone like, "this will cause your head to become so enlarged that it will cause your hair to never fall correctly again" or "your cute cat eye sunglasses with Rhine stones will squeeze your head until unsightly dents form." I think I will discuss this on my next appointment.

Good News!!!! My next appointment is in 6 months. I am being weaned off of my meds (I hope my head gets back to normal). After 9 1/2 years of this, I am finally going to be done.

But.....

I realized today that I still have a long way to go. This afternoon I attempted to go to the grocery store and buy diapers. First I knocked a jar of baby food off the shelf. I ran to the nearest employee to let them know about the broken glass. The youngster (who was at least a foot taller than me) smiled and told me it was OK. It wasn't for me. Next, I rammed into a man walking innocently in my direction on my left side. I was carrying a hand held basket and knocked the wind out of him. I felt really bad. I didn't even know I hit him until he grunted. I apologized and told him about missing an eye. He was really nice about the whole thing.

I got back into the car with my waiting husband and sleeping baby. I almost cried (actually, I did a little). I still want to cry.

What am I going to do about driving? How am I going to function? I feel really bad (again). Just when I thought everything was going to be OK, I got punched in the gut. I need to be distracted.

I have decided to begin a new stitching project. Its my distraction. Stitching is one of those hobbies that make my mind slow down. No random thoughts. I upload a book into my Ipod (currently trying to finish Pride and Prejudice so I can start Pride and Prejudice with Zombies), start counting stitches and don't think about my lack of eyeliner. I am stoked about the Zombies. Its silly, but I have to remember to read things that make me smile. It makes me appreciate great literature. I am also reading Murder Most Frothy by Cleo Coyle for the second time. Its a fun little read that makes me want coffee. She has a series that include instructions on how to make her goodies. I highly recommend them especially if you love coffee.

Well, that is all for today. I feel better. Cupcake dreams to all.

Do you still laugh at fart jokes?

OK, so I understand that not everyone is privileged enough to walk around and be a subject of interest. I've always been an attention whore, but its not always a good thing. I sport a generic black eye patch because I have not healed enough to get fitted for my prosthesis. BUT....... how can I explain.......

Why do some people feel that its OK to stare or call out pirate references....... Really, were they raised by raisins? Feelings people. They are called feelings. I am lucky. I rarely get offended or my feelings (there is that word again) hurt, but I am using this pulpit to let the world know, its NOT OK bring up things that would make YOU uncomfortable. Think about how you would feel if you had to walk around with a patch over your face that is highly noticeable. It blends in with my hair, but that's it. It doesn't match any of my outfits (or shoes). Its not cool!!!!

For example, One evening (after an attempt to walk in the park), I walked into a store. It was a fairly pleasant experience until I walked up to the register. (Keep in mind, I think this is funny) The cashier took one look at me a stated "Hey, you're sporting the pirate look!" He had a huge grin on his face. I could tell he meant no harm. I smiled and politely responded "Johnny Depp is my hero". I was quite proud of myself. My first instinct was to smack him on the back of his head, an action I normally reserve for my younger brothers. Experiences like that have made me appreciate the humor in life that sneaks up on you. I am convinced that God brings people like that onto my path to remind me to not take things so seriously.

So my advise to those who are missing the compassion gene is to leave it alone. Make your snide comments to your buddy (and not in a movie whisper). But please, grow up. You know who you are. You still laugh at fart jokes (OK, so do I). But, you know what I mean.

On a lighter note, I had a great evening. I had dinner with my mother in law and her friends. Her friend Sandra's daughter and son in law are two of the funniest people I have ever met. Kim has an 80's obsession with Michael Jackson music. Only the tunes folks! She taught her son to moon walk. Its the funniest thing I have ever seen. All and all, it was a good day. My son was entertaining and still sporting his PJ's from PJ day at day care. So cute. They also make it easier for him to grab his feet and stick them in his mouth. A wondrous new trick that he is very proud of. He always looks to make sure someone notices. That smile is the sun for me.

Good night and cupcake dreams.

Things to Do

I am notorious for making lists of things to do that are totally unrealistic. For example, I decided that I would get all of my household chores done this evening. Never in my mind did I consider the fact that I have a 5 1/2 month old son; consequently, a never ending pile of laundry, dishes, dogs, and toes in desperate need of painting. I chose to bathe my son instead and call it a night.

I also had posting my pictures of works in progress on the list. I should confess that with the exception of 4, all of my works are "in progress".

I have a gift for not having a clue as what to do with my stitching once I am done. For example, I have this lovely Hello Kitty that I stitched from Cross Stitch Card Shop magazine. She is on a small square of fabric that I can't really match to anything. Maybe I will make a key chain. Maybe I will add finding a purpose for it to my list of things to do.

The only true project I completed is this biscornu. It was my first attempt. I am quite proud of it because its the first project I actually completed. The others are a hodgepodge of items I think I will make into ornaments for my family. I have a few other items I need to post, but in the grand tradition of procrastination, I am going to call it a night. Cupcake dreams.

Day 2

It snowed yesterday in San Antonio, Texas. The last time I remember seeing snow fall was almost 25 years ago. I have fond memories of it. I remember playing in my back yard with my little brother. We made sleds out of anything we could find. The best part was seeing our mother walk through the day care door to pick us up. I remember being happy we got to go home. I have a son of my own now. I truly believe that God gave him to me to help me cope with my medical issues. My husband and I just assumed we couldn't have children due to all of the medications I have been prescribed throughout the years. I was granted a miracle.
When I felt the symptoms, I assumed one of my medications needed some adjusting. Thankfully, I took a home pregnancy test (I had an old one in the bathroom). It was positive. I rushed to the nearest drug store and bought two more. I was already scheduled for surgery number 12, so I cried out of fear (I was on some medications I was afraid would hurt my baby). I waited till my husband got home and then let our families know. That was the happiest day of my life. 8 and half months later, I gave birth to a beautiful and healthy baby boy.
The next 5 months truly tested me. I had the last 2 of my 13 surgeries (not including the birth of my son). They were the most difficult because they were mentally draining. Being told about having to remove my eye was a blow, but thanks to my son, I didn't dwell too much. I kept focusing on how he needed me. He was only 4 and 5 months old (respectively). If not for him, I know I would have been in a terrible depression. After each surgery I made sure to concentrate on healing and not the pain so I could take care of him.
My miracle is my son. Thank you God for giving me my son.

Introduction

Hello World,

This is my first blog and my first post. I am excited and scared about beginning this process. I recently lost my eye after 9 years of surgeries and doctors that were unable to diagnose the problem. The blogging process is one of my coping tools, so naturally I am a bit nervous.

After suffering from grieving for my loss (my eye), I realized that I didn't loose something, I simply gained a new perspective. I also gained a chance at new experiences from old activities. Not many people in the world can say they got to try things twice with two different views.

I have my life, my family, and now I have a podium. I will be periodically adding to this with the hopes of making new friends, and letting others know who have suffered from similar experiences, that its OK to not understand why something happens to you. Just know you can deal with it. Life always finds a way.

Sincerely,
Joy